Overcoming an affair:  It’s one grueling, gripping tale of survival that some people, especially those involved in high-profile marriages, are just too afraid to share.  In many cases, the gossip, embarrassment and judgment far exceed the applause of encouragement for couples who attempt to salvage their union.

Nonetheless, a Hattiesburg, Miss., youth minister and his wife refuse to let any amount of mockery stop them from helping to restore at least one marriage. In an exclusive,  no-holds-barred interview with chinika.com, Tony and Liz Reimonenq open up about the devastation of infidelity and the power of God's forgiveness.

Before Liz Reimonenq thumbed through her husband’s journal two years ago, she really didn’t expect to find anything too salacious.

But by the time she closed the book, she was shattered, her life forever altered by the shocking and shameful secrets shrouded within.

“It felt like someone had told me the love of my life was dead,” Liz recalled. “In that moment, my chest literally ached.”

Paining Liz to tears were revelations that Tony, her husband of five years, had committed adultery and was unsure if he’d fathered a child with his mistress.  More damaging, the “other woman” was a teacher within their children’s school.

With the speed of a rollercoaster, her initial emotions dipped into periods of rage, sadness, self-doubt, certainty and uncertainty. Liz struggled to understand how her spouse, a youth minister, could sleep soundly every night while hiding such a terrible secret.  Liz said such deceit was out of Tony’s character.

Nonetheless, “I wanted to kill him,” she said.  As her thoughts shifted more towards filing for a divorce, the attractive mother of three and successful business owner seemingly turned on herself.

With a fine-toothed comb, Liz examined her worth.  “Is there something wrong with me? Am I just not good enough?  What did I do to deserve this?”

She’d done nothing at all, according to Tony, who admitted his own “selfishness” led to the affair.

He called the relationship “a false sense of comfort” as he struggled to confront his own demons.

“I knew it was wrong,” Tony said.  “From day one, the voice of God was so strong that I would have to intentionally try to tune Him out.  I would cry and plead for His help because I didn’t have the strength within myself to get out of the affair.”

Tony said God warned him repeatedly that his actions would lead to his death.  However, when the youth minister ended the affair, no one had died; instead, he was left with a heartbroken wife, a disappointed mentor and fears of fathering a fourth child.

To the naked eye, the youth minister had every right to bury himself in shame.  But the man who tirelessly preached the messages of God’s forgiveness and His unwavering love said he knew he possessed another right.

“Because I understood the power of Jesus’s blood, it (self-forgiveness) was almost instant.  The phrase, ‘there is no condemnation in Christ,’  is more than just a slogan to me.  So, it was sort of like — yes, you (Satan) got me.  But Christ is going to get some kind of glory in this.  People are going to see some hope, some deliverance in this for their own lives,” Tony said.

Empowered by his faith, Tony exposed his secret first to his pastor and then, after Liz consented, to members of the congregation. 

“Pastor’s reaction was that of our Lord and Savior,” Tony said.  “He lovingly restored me; however, discipline comes with love.  I was removed from the position of student pastor, and required to receive marital counseling.”

Tony was “painfully content” with the removal and said he understood it was impossible for a minister to lead a double lifestyle and a ministry effectively.

He also accepted another lesson — one about integrity.  “Integrity doesn’t mean you are perfect.  It’s being able to admit where you are and being able to receive your consequences,” he said.

Tony’s penalty did not include sharing his circumstances with fellow church members, but he felt the admission was something God wanted him to do.

“It was not a mandate to go in front of the church, but I felt God prompting me to do so. God said, ‘Tony, I am going to bring you out of this, but you are not going to look good. All the glory is going to be mine.’”

The toughest moment of the minister’s confession came as he spoke with a group of teens who aspired to be like him.

“It was very hard; the thought of speaking with them brought me to tears,” Tony said. “My goal, though, was to teach them the power of confession and accountability.  I wanted to show them that I wasn’t exempt from God’s consequences.”

“With tears in his eyes,” recalled Tony, “one student said, ‘I now know what to do when I fall.’  Another added, ‘Mr. Tony, I don’t see you any differently than before.’”

Not knowing if he’d permanently lost his post as youth minister, his family or the respect of his peers, Tony immersed himself in the book of Psalms.  More specifically, Psalm 55, verse 12, which reads: “If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it. If a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him” (New International Version).

Liz also relied on prayer and God’s promises to heal her wounds and keep her sane as the couple awaited the results of a paternity test.

“Throughout her (the other woman) pregnancy, I called to see if she needed anything.  It was difficult, but in making the decision to stay with my husband, I knew I needed to prepare myself for an outcome that might involve her.”

Last April, two months before their sixth wedding anniversary, Tony got a “second” second chance. His DNA results came back negative — he wasn’t the father.  Committed to healing his marriage, Tony had received the final reprieve he needed to go about doing just that. 

He was further humbled when, in November, church members reinstated him as youth minister.

“I truly believe that if I had chosen not to forgive Tony, things would have ended up much differently,” Liz said.

The taxing ordeal has inspired the couple to author a book detailing “how to walk in the freedom of forgiveness even when you don’t deserve it, and how to avoid becoming subject to the opinions of yourself and the opinions of others if they’re not contrary to God’s beliefs,” said Tony.

“Readers will also learn,” he said, “more about God’s amazing power, which can breathe life into something that is supposed to be dead.”

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